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As I write this, it is 2:38AM, Tuesday, and I should have been asleep five hours ago.  Instead, I'm flirting with insomnia, rather, it's flirting with me and I wish it would go the hell away and let me sleep.

What do I do when I can't sleep?  Drink cocoa (don't have any), read comics (did that), maybe play a hand or two of solitaire (won both).  Beyond that. . .I think.  I can't help it, I'm a writer.  Ze Frank should do a "True Facts About Writers" video because thinking is how writers do.  Tell him I said so.

Where was I?  Right.  When I can't sleep, I think, and late night thoughts are perhaps the oddest.  Take those bits and bobs we don't often share with others, not out of any need for secrecy, but because we simply don't think about sharing.  Such as:

  •  I like peanut butter on hotdogs.  And hamburgers.  Not with any other condiment.  That would be weird.
  •  After a shower, I use a Q-Tip to dry the inside of I my belly button.
  • I am often held hostage by the sound of rain on a windshield.  One of the best sounds for napping.
  • I once made chocolate/roasted garlic fudge.  Didn't have much of a garlic taste the first day, but after that. . .*swoon*.  No one else liked it.  More for me.
  • I enjoy watching items decay, wear away, crumble.  A candle lit and left burning until the wick dies is a thing of beauty.
  • I am not afraid of heights.  I am afraid of falling.
  • I killed my mother.
  • I like hearing movie spoilers.
  • Sometimes when swimming in the ocean, I forget I can't breathe water.
  • Yes, I really do like chocolate that much.

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I have a complicated relationship with cancer.  Then again, who doesn't?  It's not like you can take cancer out of an evening, drinks, dinner, maybe a movie, and then head home for one of those intense discussions that leaves you alone, tearful, and brooding for the rest of the night.  Not that kind of complicated.

Cancer is one of the few diseases to have wormed its way into common English parlance.  A person or situation is malignant.  Someone's behavior is ...continue reading "Another Word For Fear"